Tailwind

Written: Friday, September 12, 2014

Hey family!

I wrote this article about how I think about my life almost 12 years ago, and I thought you might enjoy it.

Our next Inner Excellence retreat open to the public is in September in New York. Find out more here. I’m very excited to spend time with those of you who come.

Note: Please pray for an end to the ongoing wars around the world, especially Iran and Gaza, Ukraine, and Sudan, as well as an end to authoritarianism everywhere. Go to Amnesty International or the International Rescue Committee to learn how you can help.

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You ever wondered if you made a big mistake and you should be living life really different? I’ve sometimes wondered if I was missing something, like really missing out, as in… incredible things are happening and I’m so close, like one good decision from catching up with it, whatever it is, being a part of it; but… no.

I wish I was better. Better at managing my life-things, the goals, the dreams, the people, the appointments, the expectations, all these thoughts, those sharp feelings, even the dull ones, which I think I hate the most.

So often my life has been hazy, a sleepy hangover from a long night and early morning, having to face a world I wasn’t ready for, a world that may not understand me. I felt numb and wanted to feel alive.

There’s times in my life where I’ve wanted to shout to the world, “Listen up! People! I’ve got something.” But I didn’t. I let the moment pass. I hate those missed opportunities, with the lack of courage, and the blow to confidence that often followed.

I hope today is different, that I’ll linger a little longer with the good moments, connect with beauty, see bits of the amazing that awaits. Perhaps I’ll create something, touch what’s never been touched, maybe soften the rough edges of something hard and imperfect, reveal a beauty no one has ever imagined.

I long to find something inescapably terrific, wonderfully romantic, truly significant, perhaps meaningless to the world, but powerfully real to me.

So many days have not been that way. They’ve been long… jagged… a zig here, zag there, not super directed or efficient, often lacking zeal, no real punch.

I want to uncover the mystery that hovered over my life, the snowy cloud that lingered when I wanted so much for it to disappear or lift just a little, enough to see the horizon, if only to capture a glimpse of the great hidden things I know are coming.

I know I’ve been dealt better cards than most. I’ve been given a winning lottery ticket, and I want to cash it in. I’m tired of holding it safe, keeping it locked up, occasionally peeking at it, holding it to the light, making sure it’s still real.

I want to toss it to the heavens, to the God who gave it to me, and let Him fling it to the four corners, then ride on the tailwind it creates, surfing in the wake of intense feeling, enjoying the adventure, the unknown, and wherever I land, to be content there, grateful to have life, to be loved so.

Love Jim

PS: Thank you to all of you who volunteered to beta-test the workbook. If you’re not already a beta tester, feel free to reach out by replying to this email or submitting the form here.